Trust and love....

have to go together. I've trusted people before, people I thought were my friends, only to find they were using me as a means to an end. I still try to fight my way through the past to find trust elsewhere...I know that not everyone is like that. But once your trust is broken so badly by the ones closest to you, its difficult to trust anyone again....to not think that they're somehow using you. That's not the person I was before I had something of an awakening....a clearer view of past events...a different perspective. I tended to trust almost everyone, implicitly, until they did something to break that trust. Now, it seems to be the other way around, and I don't like it too much.
People I considered close friends used me for what they could get from me then left when the going got tough...leaving me to stand or fall on my own. The crazy thing is...I still love them. I'll never stop...but because of them....I can't trust as I used to.